The title of this post pretty much sums up how I have been feeling the past couple of weeks. Let me break it down:
*Disappointment- this covers many aspects of my life. It is probably easier to list why I am disappointed in myself than to explain why I am feeling each one
**Not motivated to eat healthy or exercise
**Feeling disappointed that I have not been the best person I could be especially when it comes to
family. Not necessarily my own little family but my extended family.
**Not telling people that how they treat me/act towards me effects me...both negatively and
positively.
*Death- The day before Thanksgiving my Pappy passed away after living a wonderfully full and happy life. He was a hard working and hard loving man. I have so many fond memories of spending time with him. It is always hard to lose a loved one but this one hit me really hard.
*Anxiety- I have really been trying to live in the moment and enjoy each day as it comes. This is really hard for me. I like to have a plan. I know that I will probably be going back to work in January and that brings a little bit of anxiety which is to be expected. What is not expected an causing me a lot of problems is the anxiety of thinking about next school year. Yes...a full 9 months away.
*Frustration- all of these things pretty much cause me to be frustrated with myself. I know I shouldn't worry about so much and go so upset about things but that is just how I am wired.
So how does this all play into being a FAT MAMMA? Well, I feel like I am back on the fat train. I haven't been counting points and have been binge eating a lot more. When I am disappointed, I eat. When I am anxious, I eat. When I am frustrated, I eat. SO HARD! What the hubs and I have decided to do is for the month of December we are going to enjoy ourselves and the holiday season but also be aware of what we are eating. I don't expect to lose weight and may even gain a bit. However, I am ok with this. I am not going to be a prisoner to food BUT I am also not going to be a FAT MAMMA forever. I know that come January, I will be ready to jump back on the train. I still plan on going to my WW meetings and weighing in because I think it is important to keep myself in check . I will let you know next Friday how it goes.
